Did you ever given the ultimatum? And how’d it go?

Question

Next year, I’m thinking to tell my bf that I want to get engaged or we end things. I don’t want to be one of those girls that stays in a relationship for 5 years and then breaks up 🙈 have you ever given the ultimate and how did it go?

Answer

Have y’all discussed marriage? Have y’all planned out the next 5 years on what y’all hope to see? 
If y’all haven’t communicated goals and expectations, then an ultimatum makes it out like you’re just with him for the ring and not for love. 
Ultimatums are rarely beneficial. In this case, it seems like you can walk away so easily. How do you think that will make him feel? 
A ring doesn’t change that you could be with him for 5 years and then break up. 
Rather than an ultimatum, have a conversation. 
“Hey, let’s talk about our future. I hope to be engaged and married within the next 1-2 years. Is that something you could see happening with me? If not, what’s your goals and expectations? Maybe we can compromise?”

Answer

I don’t think it’s a good idea to give ultimatums. If you propose you want it to be genuine, right? Not just because you told him propose or we’re done. The best thing to do is just talk to him about it, communicate. if it’s something he wants then you can talk about if it’s something he wants soon and if he doesn’t want to, then you know maybe it’s time to move on.

Answer

Ultimatums usually never end up in the favor of the person who gives them. Several friends gave their men ultimatums and now they are in unhappy relationships as their partners resent them. I have also been given an ultimatum by someone I liked and it resulted in me removing myself from the situation. You can’t force people to do things.

Answer

That’s ridiculous You can’t force someone to propose to you because you think if it doesn’t work out it’s a waste time 
Why are you trying to rush things 5yrs is not that long
And if you haven’t even had a conversation about your future your going to land something on him that going to make him end it anyway because it’s out of the blue? 
It would be different if you were England he refused to set a date 
Marriage is a big ultimatum especially if you have agreed on it

Answer

Is there a reason you want to jump straight to an ultimatum?  Have you had conversations about the future and what it entails or looks like for the 2 of you? Have you discussed marriage?

Answer

i gave my husband a ultimatum and we got married when i told him i gave him 5 years as his gf and we had 5 kids so we got married

Answer

You should sit down and have a heart to heart conversation.

Answer

I mean its a good way to get a "shut up ring". This could lead to him proposing then postponing actual.wedding planning and you dont get married. Tell him for me I'd like to be engaged in the next year or so what do you think? Just have a conversation with him. Also having a ring does not mean you'll be together forever. People call off engagements. You both have to want it and put in the work.

Answer

Why not communicate how you feel? I don’t think ultimatums are right.. if you want to get married, have that discussion. And be honest w him about how you feel.

Answer

I have to agree that ultimatums are never a good idea, a lot of times things get comfortable, people stop making the effort or get lazy in a relationship and don’t feel the need to do these things, why rock the boat, the last thing you want is the reason that you guys actually get engaged or married is because he feels forced, or so you don’t leave, wouldn’t you rather him want to do it because he loves you not as an ultimatum, You shouldn’t have to give him a shit or get off the pot situation. Perhaps he’s leery of getting married because he’s surrounded by nothing but divorced people who have been jilted or been through horrible divorces. Perhaps his life isn’t where he wants his life to be. Maybe he doesn’t have the dream job or career and he’s just settling for whatever job he can have, maybe he wants to be educated or buy a house or have kids or whatever other goals he has. Maybe he wants to save for a house first or save for the marriage, your goals may not be aligning with him whatsoever. Maybe he never wants to get married, maybe he’s just comfortable with how things are. You may not want the same things, peoples feelings and goals. Can change in life, priorities, a lot of women’s priorities are to get married, and have kids, but not everybody is on that page. Some people don’t want kids at all, some people never want to get married, and they are fine just living together, have you had this conversation with him ever, have you talked about a five year plan or 10 year plan where you see your life, do you see each other in the plan and five and 10 years, ask him hypothetically, how do you see your life five years from now if he only talks about himself and his own plans, you may not be part of the bigger picture. If he says I hope in the next five years that WE have a life together, or are married or whatever it may be, you need to have a conversation with him. Not an ultimatum, because I can guarantee you if you back them up against the wall, he’s gonna run the other way. You’re never gonna get what you want which in reality is a life with him. No one should get married or engaged out of guilt or manipulation or being backed into a corner. Well, I don’t wanna lose her, so I guess I have to. You should want to get married because that is the person you can’t imagine not spending the rest of your life with. You need to have a conversation and talk about the future and where you see your life.

Did you ever given the ultimatum? And how’d it go?

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