Am I in the wrong?

Question

So I have two really close friends at work- one is a man named Adam and the other is a woman named Kate. The three of us were planning a trip to Disney World together. We were scheduled to go next week, we already have the airplane tickets, hotel and park tickets purchased. My husband wasn’t able to take off work so he couldn’t come with but he was 100% okay with me going on this trip. Well Kate had a family emergency and she is no longer able to go on the trip so now it will just be me and Adam going. My husband is now not okay with me going, he says he is uncomfortable with me traveling with just another man and that it’s inappropriate. I told my husband that he’s being weird and controlling and that Adam and I would be sleeping in two separate beds so it’s no big deal. My husband said it makes him uncomfortable and sad that I’ll be building memories with another man. I told him that everything is no refundable and my husband offered to take off work in February (he’ll have enough time off saved by then) to take me to Disney. I told him no because I don’t want to waste our money plus I wanted to see the Christmas lights in December. My husband is extremely upset and told me that I move forward with going on this trip with Adam, that he will be reconsidering our marriage. I told Adam about my husband’s reaction and Adam told me that I should consider leaving my husband as he’s being abusive by trying to control where I go. Am I wrong?

Answer

No you’re in the wrong. It’s totally inappropriate to go on a vacation with another man that is not your husband. 
Not only that, but your husband expressed his concerns to you and how he felt about the situation and you totally invalidated how he felt. He’s not being controlling or abusive- he is setting boundaries that he feels comfortable with that are totally appropriate. 
For your co worker to tell you to leave your husband for being totally reasonable about a situation he feels uncomfortable with is so strange. He obviously doesn’t respect your marriage- but it doesn’t seem like you do either.

Answer

It is highly inappropriate for a married woman to take a trip like that alone w anither man. I think its weird his first response is "leave" it is 100% normal for your husband to be uncomfortable.

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🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ what if your husband was going to Disneyland with another woman. Making memories with other woman. If you do not see the red flags that this Adam dude likes you then you realize you're going to lose your marriage because you cannot see the red flags . If you're refusing to see the red flags then there is something going on between you and Adam.

Answer

This may be an unpopular opinion but, I wouldn’t have even planned the original trip without my husband in the first place. Definitely would never go with just one other man besides my husband. Trust issues or not, this is bazaar to me. Bottom line is, do you respect your husband and your marriage enough to see that this makes him uncomfortable and is a boundary for him? Or, do you care about your ‘independence’ and your desires (and money) more than maintaining your marriage? I trust my husband 1000% but would never in a million years be ok with this scenario if he were trying to take a trip with another woman.

Answer

I understand he's uncomfortable. But this trip was planned and he was ok with this male going on holiday with you before your girl canceled. I agree with you, it's a lot of money just wasted but if your marriage is otherwise healthy and your partner isn't controlling in other situations, then I think you shouldn't waste your marriage over it. Maybe find another girlfriend to join you both, but your husband is obviously - and not uncommonly so - uncomfortable about the situation. 
I do think it's a red flag that your guy friend immediately jumps to saying your partner is controlling and that you should divorce him, if this is the first and only instance, That would be a stretch and may indicate your friend is really into you - a platonic friend red flag - and is hoping you start something with them.
I wouldn't be interested in going on a one-on-one holiday with a guy who is waiting for me to get divorced.

Answer

Why isn’t it the solution for your husband or another friend to take Kate’s place? I’m not a super jealous person, but it would bother me if my partner went on a trip one on one with a coworker without me. We’ve both taken vacations with friends without each other, but those are people we’ve both known forever

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I’m with your husband. And the fact that you’re telling Adam about your husbands reaction and he is comfortable enough to tell you to leave your husband says a lot…

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You are so so so so so damn wrong, just think if the roles were reversed, if your husband was going alone with another woman

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You are very wrong, it’s way to inappropiate to go with another man on a vacantion. How would you feel if it was him in your place ? He was sweet, saying he will Take you when he Could go.

Answer

I commented before reading until the end. Adam wants you to leave you husband?!!?? That his first reaction??? Can't you see that something is wrong?? Sounds to me like he is interested in more than friendship and wants your husband out of the way!!! From the minute he heard that Kate had to cancel, he should have been helping you think of alternatives!!

Am I in the wrong?

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