When a parent is constantly negative

Question

It’s become a constant thing now, that whenever I see my mom, she throws negativity around especially adult children. Adult kids are assholes, that don’t make time for the parents, don’t do this and don’t do that. She’s got very high expectations but makes hardly any effort herself and throws guilt trips and negative/offensive comments. To avoid arguments I just smile and nod and stay silent. After awhile she’s not that pleasant to be around it makes it all the more difficult. She’s extremely rude and judgmental of my brother’s long term girlfriend, she’s been like that about my husband too, amongst other things. I’m not sure if she lacks complete self awareness that her attitude is toxic and so gloomy. I don’t know how to convey to her that her attitude sucks the good energy. Any tips?

Answer

My mom would get this way sometimes and I realized (after her death) that she just felt comfortable with me and needed me to be her friend in that moment. She literally never spoke ill of anyone to anyone else (this may not be the case for you- idk). 
I’d always play “devils advocate” and validate her feelings but also try to help her see from a different point of view. My mom really went through a lot, a lot of people took advantage of her because she was super generous and kind. I wish now that I would’ve stuck up for her and listened to her more. I miss her so much.

Answer

You just have to remind yourself that you can’t change or control others, but you can change and control yourself. You know this is how she is, so just be prepared for it when you’re around her. I think you’re doing the right thing by just ignoring it and smiling. Maybe even change the conversation too. This is how my parents and grandparents are and when they go on their rants I’ll just be like, “ok, mom (or whoever I’m talking to) 🙂 yup” and will nod and change the conversation if needed. I personally don’t believe in cutting off your own parents, especially for something you can just ignore or deal with. And I’m not trying to be ageist, but older people tend to be grumpier so if anything, I believe in being softer and more patient with them.

Answer

Both of my parents are this way. I decided to cut them off. Everything about them is just so negative and rude. They’re very judgmental as well & don’t ever want to be wrong or called out on how they treat their kids. I feel a lot better knowing I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I wish I did have that relationship with them but they are set in their ways and would never feel the need to change bc in their eyes I’m too sensitive and they’re never wrong.

Answer

Have you talked to her about it? She sounds lonely, maybe even depressed.

Answer

You're not obligated to maintain a relationship with anyone, even your mother.

Answer

What about distancing yourself from her? We’ve had to cut my FIL out of our life’s. It’s been three and a half years now. Best thing I have ever. He was extremely toxic. Didn’t like anyone. He started saying nasty things about me so that was when we cut him off.

When a parent is constantly negative

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey