We (husband, me, and our two kids) were supposed to visit my mother-in-law and father-in-law for New Year's <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and stay until the 2nd. I was on the phone with them the morning before we were supposed to visit. My FIL was coughing really badly and I said it sounds like he has croup. It's rare in adults, but the cough is very distinct. My MIL said he doesn't have croup, he just went outside after a shower and caught a cold.

I'm a nurse and I tell her all the time you don't get COVID/the flu/a cold from cold weather/wet hair but she won't listen. I told her that I'm pretty sure it is croup, and that my FIL should really get checked out because he has all sorts of heart and lung issues. This could be really serious for him. She said "No, it's just a chill from being outside with the dog right after he had a shower."

I told my husband we weren't going and he agreed. My sister-in-law has an 8 month old baby so I called her and said I didn't want to overstep, but I'm pretty certain FIL has croup. She says "No no, he's not contagious. It's just a chill from being outside." I told her that I'm pretty certain it's croup and with a baby, she should be careful because croup can be very dangerous to babies and can make them extremely sick. She dismissed me (which is fine, her child so her choice). 

Now my niece is in hospital with croup and pneumonia. And my father-in-law is also in hospital with, you guessed it, croup. He also has a bunch of other stuff going on but he's quite sick.

I feel awful because in the back of my mind, I feel like I should have pushed more. This has been made worse because my MIL is now blaming me for not being pushier and telling her how serious croup would be. I told her that it's not my responsibility to push her to take my FIL to the hospital. I reminded her that she told me that it was a chill. My SIL has also jumped on board and claims I said nothing about it being croup. They're both calling me selfish for letting them visit everyone while our family stayed home. My husband joined in the family group chat and said that we said from the beginning that it sounded like croup and that we weren't visiting. We warned them that croup can be dangerous and they all decided to visit each other anyway.

My SIL said that I never said that and said "You said I should be very careful because croup can be dangerous. You never said not to visit them because they have croup and that croup can be fatal in babies." She's right. I never said to not visit them and I never told her that croup can be fatal. It's rare for croup to be fatal and my niece unfortunately also has pneumonia. I regret not speaking up and being pushier so much right now.

First off, I'm really worried about my niece because she is so little and is not doing well. I get that my SIL and MIL are going through a lot so a lot of their anger is probably just misdirected to me. I just wish I could go back in time and be pushier.

My husband says none of this is my fault but I feel at least partially responsible. Any illness can be fatal, but if I always say "Oh we can't visit. The flu can be fatal" then I'd be labelled as an overractor. But if I had said that this time, maybe my niece wouldn't be in hospital.

It also sucks because I do want to see her and my FIL but my SIL and MIL have no interest in that. They blame me for this and that hurts so much.