Tell me I’m not alone

Recently me and my partner of 4 years split up ( he cheated) ever since every time I masturbate after i uncontrollably sob and sob and I just don’t know why. I feel like I’m going insane and when I do find someone else and do sleep with them I am just gonna cry after and scare the life out of them but I cannot stop, I mean I’ve made peace with everything but every time I finish I just get this sadness feeling. Has anyone else experienced this before ?