My husband and I have been through so much. We have had many losses before and after our daughter. She will be four in May and is seriously the greatest human I know.

On Christmas morning we found out I was pregnant. Due to past history, my age, and being diabetic they classified me as high risk, and have been seeing Maternal and Fetal Medicine. I had an ultrasound every week. Things have been progressing really well, and for some reason I didn’t even think this would end in a miscarriage.

Today we found out there was no longer a fetal heartbeat, and the baby had stopped progressing in growth.

I’m scheduled for a D&C next week. It’s the first one I have ever had, and I’m just absolutely devastated.

The amount of grief I feel is so deep that I feel like I’m going to drown in it. I just feel like I’m dying inside, but I hold myself together for my girl.

I don’t know how I should feel, but it’s awful and it’s dark.