does anyone else not do birthday parties?

i feel so bad. i have joint custody with my sons dad. i already feel like im getting excluded because he NEVER wants to come to my house EVER. he’s the only child so my ex’s mom spoils the shit out of him, never tells him no and lets him do anything he wants. i have rules so im the “mean mom” and he “hates me”. he is very mean to everyone but ESPECIALLY them. think of Veruca off of Willy Wonka in comparison. he spits in their faces and gets physical with my ex and his mom. he does NOT act like that at my house but he is very mean to us, and mostly me. he gets angry with my 1 year old for laughing because it’s “annoying” and throws an absolute tantrum if he gets told no to anything, even as small as “no strawberry milk before dinner” (this is a whole other subject im getting off topic lol but i just want to give you a feel of the dynamic of our relationship. yes we are discussing therapy for him etc.)

he’s turning 6 and they have a HUGE family with a lot of kids. so they always have huge birthday parties for him. this year they let him invite a couple of kindergarten friends too. i have

absolutely no family. just my husband and my two kids. i have no one to invite to my oldest’s birthday party. so we usually just take him somewhere like a trampoline park and have his choice of dinner and cake or whatever he wants to do for his big day and of course he gets presents from us and what not.

i also have a 1 year old with my husband and we had a party for him but it was all my husbands family (he has a big family). we’re not VERY close with them so it would be odd to invite them to my oldest’s party if we had one since he is not my husbands child. if we were close it would be different but we only see them for holidays.

idk i feel terrible because it’s not fair to him that he doesn’t get a big party at my house, but he does at his dads 😭 and my 1 year old got a party last year. his friends are already going to the big party at his dads so it would be weird to invite them to two of his parties.

am i worrying two much? i just want it to be fair. i don’t want him to look back and think it wasn’t. i try to be fair 100% of the time between my two kids.