Paralyzed with fear

I was told at 19 that I would never conceive naturally and after my world turned on its axis ( I had been planning how I would raise my kids since I was about 10 yo) I picked myself and got on with it. I have ended several good relationships because of this diagnosis. I had been told I would be a good candidate for IVF but I didn't think I could bear taking that journey with any of them. Two years ago I meet a man that changed my mind, and I truly believed that if we didn't have kids I would never feel like he was unhappy with our lot. In that time we went to a doctor in the US (I am originally from Ireland) who said I needed my right tube removed but that my left tube was normal so to get home and get going. I couldn't believe and quite honestly didn't. A year and a half later my husband conceded that it wasn't happening and I concede to going to a fertility specialist. He went through our options and he performed an ultrasound. I was ovulating on the left side so once again we were sent home to 'get friendly'. Here we go again I thought.

Two weeks later was NYE and I was staring, somewhat unbelieving at a positive pregnancy test. The last 5 days have been kind of horrendous - I have spent the entire time not believing this is really happening. Every time I go to the toilet I expect to see blood. Week 12 seems an eternity away and I think I will probably loss my mind within the next 24 hours.