brb; figuring out my sexual identity...

(i feel most comfortable airing everything out on this safe space--don't think the guy I'm seeing would ever see this... Hope not lmao)

To many people, what I've been up to lately would classify me as a slut, a whore. For the longest time, I've always considered myself ultra conservative. No sex before marriage, all that. But here I am letting this guy play with my clit and I'm giving him a blowjob 😬 After all, i was raised in a religious home, expected to stay "pure" and "chaste", and I'm wrestling with those feelings of being "impure" and "fast"...but things have been happening so organically.

I recently met someone and both connected, on a sexual level. Him and I made out the first time we met, which, if you know me, would be surprising.

Honestly, i loved how considerate he was. Never pressured me to do anything i didn't want to. I love giving him long, passionate kisses, i love seeing him in general.

I initially told him i wasn't looking to date, but i feel differently now. I want to get to know him more as a person and hopefully be around him more often.

The thing is i don't get bUtteRfLies lmao but I'm calm around him. I feel safe. It's probably just hormones or maybe he just wants to have fun but I reeeeallly want to see him more often. Next time i see him in person, i could ask what he really wants out of our interactions.

I thought i was gonna have some fun but I'm enamored already lol. I've even been told that I've been glowing lately.

Just need to take things slow and not rush into anything.

I'm figuring out my identity apart from what Christianity, the whole community, what my parents feel i ought to be.