Nothing but regret.

Chose to have a termination in November 2023. Was in a really horrible place mentally and now looking back, if I was thinking straight, I would never have made the decision I did. I am really struggling to come to terms with the termination I had. I think about the baby every single day and hate myself most days. I question all the what ifs.

I remember explaining to the doctor on the day that I was struggling mentally. I was extremely upset.

I don’t think I was ever in the right frame of mind to be making a decision like I did and now it’s something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I regret it 100% and I just can’t let go.

Will this get any easier or will it be this way forever? My heart is broken every time I think about it, especially when I look at my little one and think about how they would have been together.

This is the first time I have ever admitted this, to anyone.