So this is a hard one I’m considering tying my tubes after this baby this is my 4th child but my boyfriends first baby I already know a lot of you on here going to get all judgy and rude I really didn’t want to have another kid

my other 3 have different fathers one was from a marriage when i was young and my other kids are 8,6,& 2 i really had got so much interest in this guy and eventually in our relationship having a baby was something we decided we wanted well we of course went through hard ships and some things happened between us but we stuck it out and the plan was still to have a baby but I always told him marriage was something I wanted I didn’t want to keep having more kids and not be married to someone so far in our relationship he’s joked around a lot about me having another baby but it’s a far far reach for me I barely wanted to go through with having this one our relationship is suffering in ways he doesn’t comprehend I feel like I have more life experiences than him so he doesn’t really understand life or the concept of life honestly I know my mistakes and I should’ve waited to have more kids but he definitely has been a wishy washy person so far I mean we had I mean we had issues with him finding a job now that he has a job i basically try to maintain things afloat and make sure things get paid his mind lately has just been work coming home smoking and then sleep he does help me with the kids and does help around the house and if I tell him a bill needs to be paid he does come out of pocket but the relationship to me has died it’s not romantic it’s not a spark it’s the same routine I’m bored I’m lonely I feel like I’m asking for some human interaction the sex has slowed down alot I mean I’m just not sure how to feel anymore I’ve had serval talks about it he claims he will do better or manage or work at it and it doesn’t and if he does it only lasts a good week then it’s back to the same things

and I think relationships at where I am in life is just getting to be too much it’s like the moment we started living together he switched and took everything I liked and stopped I’ve had to talk to him about letting me cuddle him at night or even hug him I’ve had to talk to him about having sex more often I’ve talked to him about being more romantic his idea of us bonding is him coming home from work at 10 at night him eating smoking or rolling which takes a good hour or so then comes home and puts the tv on and expects me to stay up all the way untill 3 am then I’m exhausted to the point of like having to get the kiddos up for school and then he’s sleeping all the way untill he has to get ready for work at 12 it’s draining me this isn’t something I want we had talks in the past about even going to church together and on Easter I asked and he said he didn’t want to get up but that he would go I was like well I mean didn’t we talk about eventually going to church together too? Or is that something you changed your mind about ?

It’s like idk it hurts to think someone can spend $50 out of their check frequently for weed and is working meanwhile I’m spending whatever I get on government assistance or child support on paying bills and staying up to date to make sure he has money in his pocket so it can be fair then the day I asked him about money for a bill he was like we should get a joint bank account but was upset that same day because I look at his personal bank account I just feel like men these days don’t want wives they want babymommas and or a woman to raise their kid and them to be treated like a kid or more like a boy man it’s frustrating idk if this is something I want to continue in the long run I want marriage and I know with him just freshly making his way into the real world that might alter his emotions and how he looks at me to find out I don’t want anymore kids but I’m in a different position in life I had my first at 17-18 I’m now 26 he’s 25 with his first on the way I just don’t want to keep having more babies to raise and this relationship isn’t looking quite like a stable one I don’t want to be selfish I’m not the type of woman but I am so exhausted of starting over in life with different men I want stability marriage and I want a man who can treat me like I’m something more than just there for his needs like you spend $50 dollars on weed almost every week why not be like hey baby you need your nails done or hair done or hey baby I got you some roses some romance or something I hate feeling like I’m only at service for everyone and never get it back and I definitely want marriage and I demand marriage because I will not keep having kids and be just considered the baby’s mother ugh thinking dating or relationships just aren’t an interest anymore just want to get my life together for my children

am I wrong like I have so many talks with him and I bring up marriage and ask what we are doing as far as future he just agrees and says yes he wants the same thing but his actions just show otherwise

I always think like let’s just go to a court house get married something small and intimate and then later we can go for the big stuff but he says he doesn’t want that or just brushes past it I might give it another shot and have one more serious sit down with him I just think he has gotten too comfortable in this relationship and thinks I won’t leave but little does he know I’m so close to mentally being checked out I just want him to get it right and I do work at it with him but men have so much pride and ego too sometimes I can only get so far into a conversation untill I hear “you act like my mom” then I start to shut down maybe I sound crazy idk just needed to rant a bit