I have emotional dysregulation, which means that I can't really control my emotions. When I get scared, feel abandoned, or get triggered in a relationship, my BF knows about my problem too. He even knows the triggers.

Today he was supposed to go for a business conference, and as he said he wants to go on a trip with his friend tomorrow he wanna come to see me after this conference, which made me really happy.

He said he would come around 9 o'clock. And as I didn't hear anything from him, I called him around 8:45, asked him what time he thinks he may be here. He said that the meeting is already finished. It's just a small thing left.

I waited 45 minutes more, didn't get any news from him. So I texted him that it's getting really late, so maybe we need to see each other another day, considering we couldn’t see each other till next week.

The only answer I got was like, yeah, now I'm eating my dessert. Which made me feel left out and abandoned. And that I'm not his priority at all. Because he is a person whenever he has a meeting with somebody, or he is fixing a time, he is really sensitive to being on time and not being late.

it was really painful for me to notice that he told me a time but after 45 minutes he was just telling me that he is still there. And he basically doesn't care that he didn't come here at the time he said, or that I need to go to work the day after early, so I can't stay awake for a long time. As I got his message that he is eating dessert, I got really angry, couldn’t control myself, and called him told him how come he couldn't tell those people that he needs to be somewhere so he could just leave there. And why he plays like this to me.

He knows what the triggers are. He didn't give me any answer, was just silent the whole time. At the end, he was telling me that he wanna stay there And that he didn't know that it would take longer. So he wanted to just be there because he is enjoying there. And I can just hang up.

So I hung up on him. And I feel really awful, really angry, really hurt. And somehow I feel I am getting crazy and ashamed… Because I can't analyze his behavior anymore.

For me, the emotions are much stronger than normal people. I don't know what a normal person would have felt in this situation. And is it as bad as I feel and I think or not?…