i need advice

i don’t even really know what kind of advice i’m looking for here.. maybe just looking for someone who has been in a similar situation and can share experiences with. let me give a little back story.

in december of 2020 i started talking to a guy who i lost my virginity too when i was a very young girl. we talked for about 2 weeks and when i finally went to hang out i ended up getting pregnant that same night. fast forward to about a month later (i found out at 3 weeks 5 days) i told him i was pregnant and we didn’t speak on it again until about april. we ended up dating from december-april. and then things took a turn. he went to jail from april - june. and when he came home he painted this photo of a family that he knew i always wanted. when i was 8 months pregnant i found out that he had given me gonorhea. which is when i found out that he had been sleeping w other women. i moved out of our house. the night before i got induced i went back home to our house. he took me to the hospital but unfortunately i was there by myself for the next 4 days. he came 2 minutes before i started pushing. and left 2 hours after my baby was born. our relationship from then on was rocky. when my baby was around 6 months old he put his hands on me for the first time. i wandered around in just a t shirt and panties with blood all over me for 2 hours. until he came and found me. i had to go back home, i have no family in the state we live in. fast forward a few months, i went on vacation and while i was gone he cheated again. i ended up leaving and didn’t go back home. im going to just fast forward to september of 2023. he put his hands on me again, but this time there were witnesses. he got arrested, he took me to trial and he was found guilty of all counts he was charged with. present day, he currently is in jail serving time for the charges. and he has a possibility of coming home within the next few months. part of me wants him to come home. as i have no one and he was my very best friend. but another part of me wants him to stay gone. because my baby and i are both much better off without him. i have so much love for him. as he loved me when i didn’t love myself. but i also know him putting his hands on me isn’t love. i guess what im looking for here is just a listening ear. i dont know what to do. and i have no one to confide in. i dont know if i miss the idea of a family. or if im longing for the family i never had.