I just need to vent. I know I’m going to sound like a big baby so no judgment please.

I’m 32 weeks with my first baby. Honestly pregnancy has been a lot different than I expected. My whole life all I have ever wanted is to be a mom. It took a year of trying to get pregnant which was the first hard part. Then I had a miscarriage which honestly felt devastating. I soon got pregnant again but the initial pregnancy loss took so much of the joy and excitement away from this pregnancy. And I was so sick. Puking and nauseous for over 20 weeks- I could barely leave my bed and just did not feel like myself at all. Terrible pelvic pain like I could barely walk. Eventually started feeling physically better. But mentally it’s still been really hard. Throughout the whole thing I have felt so alone. My husband has been really supportive but other than that my family has been really preoccupied because my dad has cancer (which is awful and hard for all of us..), my mom died a year ago, and my older sister is so unsupportive anyways, even if our family didn’t have other stuff going on. My husband’s family only calls HIM to see how the pregnancy is- I honestly feel like a surrogate to his family. His mom has constantly made remarks suggesting I know nothing about pregnancy and babies (I work in a maternity clinic and again have been waiting my whole life for this… I don’t know everything but I came in somewhat prepared). I thought we had a good relationship before but everything with them has changed now that I’m pregnant.

The first time I got pregnant, my friend told me she was so excited to plan a baby shower. Then I had the loss and now in this pregnancy she hasn’t spoken to me at all. It’s so weird. Then my husbands family told me they would throw a shower- but have since taken that back too because they’re not very social. Nobody else has offered and I feel weird throwing one for myself so now we’re just not going to have one. We are financially well off so I didn’t want one for the gifts but it would’ve just been nice to feel loved and supported.

Now i also just found out my older sister is pregnant. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy and she’s lived with the guy for a couple of months. She is honestly one of the most irresponsible people I know. (Drinking problems, spent the last 1.5 years couch surfing, barely works, no license). She has been very unsupportive my whole pregnancy. She was originally living with me and my husband and she would constantly make comments about how I was gross because I left dishes in the sink or didn’t sweep my floors enough- she would speak badly about my house to my family. Mind you this whole time I was in bed recovering from the miscarriage and then got pregnant right away and was really sick for months. She never offered to help- just played it off like I was being dramatic about how I felt. I know it’s wrong to feel this way but I just feel frustrated that it’s been so hard for me and now she gets pregnant so easily and has felt totally fine- it’s like solidifying her opinion that I was over dramatic because she has had no symptoms.

I’m just so over everything. I thought being pregnant would be a beautiful experience but it’s been really hard.