Awful for signing my rights away....

My mom put my business on blast at memorial day with the family. It's not a secret that 6 years ago I lost my kids to CPS custody. I was out drinking a lot and doing drugs and left my kids in the care of my oldest son who was 10 at the time. CPS took all 3 of my kids away and it took my 5 years to get my life together to get my kids back. I have my two younger kids but signed my rights away to my oldest. The reason being I gave them all a choice. They had been in CPS custody for 5 years. Two of my kids were teenagers and they had all built a bond with their foster parents. My oldest started calling them mom and dad... So... I gave them all a choice. I was trying to put them first... My two youngest kids wanted to come back with me and my oldest wanted to stay with them. So I respected his wishes. I signed my rights away from him and let them adopts him. I still see my oldest son and we still talk.

I got asked by a cousin about my oldest and why I don't have him and I just said we are keeping things private and my mom said "She signed her rights away to some black couple." My cousin asked was that true and I said it's nobody's business and I got called a horrible mother for just giving up like that. I said I was giving him the option because I had been fucking up for 5 years and my cousin said that he's 16 and he doesn't get to decide anything and I'm his mother so I should have made him come back with me and how is he supposed to fit in with a black family. She just kept making me feel like shit and I went off on my mom for putting my business out there and she said just said she just said the truth. I know I've messed up and I've been a horrible mom but I have been trying to change and do better by my kids.