Pregnant with a 5 month old..

I just found out I’m pregnant a couple days ago. 5 weeks according to my last period. First doctors appointment next week.

My husband and I just bought a house and just moved into it so everything is a mess, I’m stressed out about unpacking (which I pretty much have to do alone since he is working 5 days a week)

We also have a 5 month old. He is the light of my life and this pregnancy has brought nothing but feelings of guilt and shame.

When I found out I was pregnant with my 5 month old I was so happy and excited. This time I don’t even want to tell anyone, only my husband, sister & best friend know. I feel like people will judge us. I feel horrible about the fact that my son will have to share my attention and love from such a young age. It will be a 14 month age gap.

I couldn’t bring myself to abort. I want to feel happy about this but I’m just scared. My last pregnancy took a huge toll on my mental health (got tremendously better after giving birth) and I’m afraid of getting that bad again. I also have managed to lose 30lb since having him and am comfortable in my body for the first time in years as this is the lowest number i’ve seen on the scale in 6 years. I worry about gaining weight and not being able to lose it.

My main worry though is the fact that my son is fed exclusively breast milk (gets bottles of it sometimes but otherwise eats from the breast) and my supply is already dipping. I’m terrified of formula for some reason. The thought of having to give him formula makes me incredibly anxious. I do have a freezer stash of breast milk but it will last maybe 2 months, probably less.

We are going to be struggling a bit financially with 2 babies. We already have food stamps. But mortgage + utilities + car insurance + phone bills take the majority of his paycheck. I’m a SAHM & we have no family or friends around who could watch my son if I went to work & I’m terrified of daycares. The ones I would want to put him in would be far too expensive for us to afford.

I wanted to breast feed for at least a year. I wanted my son to be at least a year old before we even started to think about having another. I just feel like this is ruining everything. I want to be happy about it.. Any advice?

* And let me just say I am not and do not judge anyone who uses formula or daycare. I'm just speaking my experience as a FTM.