How to deal with a mom like this?

Question

Has anyone ever had to deal with a parent like this? Anytim I try to talk to my mom about my childhood and moments when she wasn't the best mom and how it affected me all I get is her being defensive and saying "Well I guess I'm the worst mom!" I fucking hate it. She can't get out of her own fucking mind and just wants to be a victim. She will say things like "I guess me giving the ultimate sacrifice and carrying you for 9 months gets completely erased because of a bad moment I had." I literally didn't say that. She just cant listen to me.
Edit: I want her at acknowledge when she was shitty. I want her to acknowledge that she did bully me into an eating disorder. I wanted her to acknowledge that she at times was a bully towards me, was childish, and didn't always do what she was supposed to do. I want her to apologize and give me closure. Because if I can't get that from her ... Idk if I can have her in my life without closure.

Answer

Have you said that exact thing to her? That you just want her to acknowledge her wrongdoings? You have to accept that she may never take accountability. What exactly are you looking for? Are you in therapy?

Answer

What are you trying to get out of this topic? An apology? A change in current behavior? Im not discrediting your feelings, but this topic just may be off limits with her and instead validated elsewhere eg therapy.

Answer

My mother was diagnosed with NPD. She abused me in every single way you could abuse a child. You cannot expect a narcissist or abuser to apologize and acknowledge anything they did. They won’t do it. It’s a waste of energy and time. I cut my mother out of my life when I went to college at 15. I placed her in a psychiatric nursing home almost 5 years ago. I don’t speak to her. We don’t have a relationship.

Answer

Sometimes, unfortunately, we may nvr get that which we desire to receive from someone, because some ppl just don't have it to give, & don't have the capacity 2 meet those needs we have. Ya cant give what ya dont have.. in that situation, it would be beneficial/ helpful for u & ur therapist 2 sit down & engage in a role play where ur therapist will portray the role of your mother, & u will communicate with them as tho ur talking 2 ur mom, they will speak in the place of her & will respond to u with sympathy & compassion, & will ultimately just say those things to u that you are needing to hear from your mother. They will look u in your eyes & tell u that they are sorry 4 ____ (X,Y,Z), they will communicate with you in a vulnerable, intimate setting, & by ur therapist essentially stepping into the role of your mother & reassuring you, validating your feelings, & acknowledging the pain theyve caused u ( whether directly or indirectly), & u then coming 2 the place of accepting that apology & forgiving your mom, it heals those parent wounds u had, in the spiritual realm which then unblocks u in the physical earth realm. It aligns you up spiritually. The role playing works because your brain, your subconscious cant tell the difference between what is reality & what is not. *you can do that role playing exercise with any TRUSTED individual, doesn't have 2 be a therapist. Hope this helps!

Answer

I think you might need more therapy in regards to your feelings with your mom. I'm guessing you will never get what it is you are needing from her and therefore you will have resentment and can't move forward until you heal. It's ok to be angry with your parents it is also ok to decide what relationship you want now you are an adult. But you deserve to be healthy with your approach with how you accomplish your ideal relationship.
Hugs and wish you peace.

Answer

No one likes to be told everything they've ever done wrong. Especially a mom who most likely believes they did the best they could with the tools and knowledge that they had at the time. No doubt that it was a difficult childhood for you, and your feelings about it matter, but you are not going to point out all of her flaws without some defensiveness. A therapist could help you navigate having conversations about it with her. Maybe start by telling her that you love her and understand that she did the best she could, but that you feel sad that you've never received an apology for things she did that hurt you. I would tell her that you're not trying to say she's a bad person, but some of the things she said to you had a serious negative impact on you and this would really help you heal and possibly mend the relationship you have with her. From her perspective, she may not have intended to hurt you the way that she did. And if she did intentionally harm you, you may want to take that into consideration as far as why you want this relationship with her? Why you need something from a person who intentionally hurt you? Letting her go without needing anything from her, would mean that she doesn't have a chance to manipulate you about it. Ultimately, it is your pain to work through and there is nothing she can do to take back or fix what she did. Your healing is your job. I hope she can find it in her heart to acknowledge and apologize. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

How to deal with a mom like this?

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