So my husband and I had an absolute argument over him calling me a trad wife. I explained to him why I didn't want to be called that he can refer to me as his wife. He explained his side and how we just have a traditional marriage and I explained that a trad wife is not anything but an insult to the stay at home mom that I am. That if he wants a woman to serve him I'm not her and will never be and it's insulting to me the mother of his children who is busting her ass to home school, take kids to sports, cook home made meals, have emotionally healthy children, while keeping a home. Also I will not keep my appearance to those standards and my life being home is for our child not for him.

He legit didn't understand my view and thinks that it just means traditional marriage roles. I told him never to call me that again and it's not trendy nore cute.

I was explaining this to a group of friends this afternoon and their jaws dropped that my husband didn't understand how insulting that was.

Privately I don't share but my husband has tried insisting on me being more of a follower than a leader in our home. How he wants to be seen as the head of the family. To me it means something different with how to be then his methods.

I have no problem cooking for the family but he wants me to serve him. I have a problem with that mentality. Outside our home he will act like he is so sweet by bringing me a plate but behind closed doors he wants me to do that for him.

I have no desire to have a false illusion of our marriage. Also we are raising some sons and I don't want them to have those standards in spouses when they grow up. It's absolutely toxic.

I'm actually worried that we've fallen in this place where my husband doesn't understand my role in our family. I feel like I have to fight him to not lose more of myself and my identity beyond him.

My husband has asked me why I've changed so much since when we first started dating over a decade ago and why I'm so angry. To me I'm not angry I'm just very assertive now. Me as a wife and a mom I found my voice and I use it and don't tip toe around topics worried about hurting his ego. I'm not ok being called a trad wife or being told to behave or serve my husband.

This whole issue is absolutely absurd to me. I am actually embarrassed by the state of our marriage.

+++Next day after reading the comments I have no problem being in traditional. I have a problem with the label TRAD. TRAD WIVES are an Internet made label for a subservient wife. I'm not subservient. I'm a stay at home mom not a stay at home wife. My job isn't to cater to my husband. There is an issue with my husband thinking I should cater to him. It's a deep rooted issue like him demanding I serve him or do tasks unrelated for our family but just him. It isn't the management of the children the home the pets or our family I have an issue with. It's the fact my husband is insisting on using a label made up by women who are controlled by men using tik Tok to gain views who are making money for their husbands. The whole name and culture of trad is insulting to me as a stay at home mom.

I have absolutely nothing to complain about him providing for our family and I do my best to support him in that. What I have a problem with is the idea he doesn't want an equal but wants me to be a servant. I'm not a stepford wife and will never be and that delusional idea is sick. This man wants to provide then pop in when it's convenient for him. He wants to be served or catered to. He wants to come home to a wife dolled up and a hot meal. Life doesn't always look like that it's messy and complicated and my role isn't to be at his mercy.

Trad wife isn't a traditional wife it is a made up tik Tok term that is fake idealistic impression that it is achievable and it's not. This doesn't need marriage counseling it needs my husband to respect me and what I bring to the table as a team and partnership.