Me and my brother have always been really close. I feel like our entire relationship has been strained and a majority of it is my fault. But now I don't have water in my house and I have 4 kids. My brother has always been there for me. Me and my husband have always struggled with money. We have bad credit. I've stayed home to care for our baby. My brother has gotten us out of a lot of pinches. He was already upset because we got evicted from our home two years ago so he let us stay in one of the houses he owned. I was grateful but went through some severe depression and did not do a good job keeping up with the cleaning. By the time we moved out I am ashamed to admit this guy had someone seen the inside they would have called CPS. The house was not livable with how disgusting I got it. My brother kept asking for the keys back and I kept making excuses because I did plan to go and clean it. But it was so out of hand. I wanted to talk to him about my mental health but eventually he got into the house and was very upset with me. He had to spend thousands to get it cleaned and I felt awful. He also cosigned on our car and when we started missing payments he called me because it hit his credit. I am embarrassed of it. I'm embarrassed of where I am in life. We are in poverty. What pissed my brother off is he's been paying our water bill while we've been trying to get back on our feet. His birthday came around and I never called him and I guess he decided I didn't care about him and I'm just using him which I wasn't. He did not pay our bill and the water is off and I have 4 kids. I've been trying to talk to him but he said he's upset that he's always looked out for me and been there and I couldn't even wish him happy birthday. I apologized but he said he needs a break from me and blocked me. Idk how we are going to pay my water bill. My baby is still young so I'm not wanting to go back to work yet but now I'm worried. Idk what to do

Edit: I know I've made some mistakes. Trust me this is not where I want to be with 4 kids. I never meant to let his house get that bad. I never meant to miss my car payments. I couldn't afford it. And I never meant to hurt him