Cali’s first middle name is from her dad my husband who died two months before she was born. My c-section was very easy and didn’t hurt like the second one I had. I ended up having way more fluid than they thought I would have and her lungs were very wet.

She was intubated for like 12 hours but then put on vapotherm (idk how to spell it) but taken off of it just a few days later and she’s very healthy. She came home the other day and has been so sweet and happy. I’m trying to fully breastfeed instead of pump like I did with my first two which has been hard. But the hardest thing is doing this without my husband whom I think about daily. He was the best dad ever and I don’t know how I’m going to raise these 3 girls without him.

I am so stressed I am sad and the hormones don’t help. I have been crying to my mom daily about how much I miss him and I cried every day before but it was when I got in bed and I could kind of control it but I can’t now and something will remind me of how hard it will be without him and I just burst out crying. Postpartum would’ve been hard enough without this weight to carry also. Anyway, here she is! My beautiful girl and I got the name sign made before I fully settled on her name but Cali Rose is what he and I picked so I ultimately kept the rose in there.