i wrote a few days ago talking about how my son was born, in the elevator of my hospital after they sent me home being high risk and my son high risk. i ended up back here within not even 2 hours, son already born and on my chest. my son is in the NICU, and he’s doing great. we should be home sometime next week as long as things are still going the way they are. i’m not doing great. my labor and birth was traumatic to me. i was robbed of my joy. i have been crying every day. i feel guilty because im supposed to be so happy with my newborn baby, and that’s he’s doing so well despite being in the NICU. plus i have my 4 year old who i miss so much and i love my kids so so much, they are the only reason im still going right now. i am so sad. i dont have any emotional support at all. my mom is bipolar she is not affectionate or sympathetic she’s never been. i’ve spoke my feelings loud and clear to her, and to my kids father and no one understands me. no one cares or is here for me. no one knows how much i’ve been crying and how sad i am even with me telling them repeatedly. i’m at a loss. i’m in therapy already and plan on speaking with my therapist about everything next week to get a plan and try to get myself better but i just need to vent. i’ve never felt so alone in my life and im crying for help basically screaming for it and no one wants to hear me. or they do hear me but they don’t care is how i feel. i have turned my life around in the past few years and i feel like im being punished for doing everything right, for being the best i can be for me and my kids. i try so hard every day im always worried about every else. giving to everyone else giving out what i dont even have left for myself. i’m always there for everyone always making sure everyone is happy and taken care of. why do i never get the same from anyone? i didn’t experience this with my daughter and i wish i didn’t feel this way. it’s so hard to get through the day.