Multiple vets had been trying for the last 2 weeks to find what was making our beloved dog so sick. On Fri, it was officially confirmed that our sweet, beautiful Sarah had terminal intestinal lymphoma, and we took her to be euthanized yesterday. I couldn’t bear to part with her until the very end, so from there I held her precious body in a blanket as we travelled to a private pet crematory, where we gave her the send off she more than deserved. We’d had her since she was 3 months old. She would have been 9 yo this Dec.

The devastation of losing her is so crippling, and on top of it all, I’m almost 36 weeks pregnant with my first human child (a girl). Sarah was supposed to be her big sister; waking up with us during night feedings, going out on walks tied to the stroller, cuddling her, going out with us on her first Halloween, everything… and now nothing. Our hearts are shattered and I’m traumatized.

If anyone here is feeling or has felt this intense anguish that her daddy and I are feeling while you’ve been pregnant, please do tell me about it and what you are doing/have done to cope. I don’t feel like I know who I am without this beautiful creature in my life, and now it kills me to imagine ushering our daughter into the world without Sarah to come home to. It feels like I will never stop grieving for her.

Please, if you went through anything like what I’m going through while trying to manage my already volatile pregnancy emotions, please connect with me. I need to hear from women who have been through it. Enjoy these photos of my gorgeous girl… She was fiercely loved and is sorely missed by many.