What hurts more? An inconsistent father or an absent father?

Question

The father of my 4 month old daughter ONLY comes to see her when he’s having problems with his new gf which is about once or twice a month. He refuses to help out financially or even watch her. He purposely quit his job and has not been looking for a new job because he thinks I’m going to put him on child support. All these months he has been appearing at my house when he feels like it.  I have threatened him with calling the police if he keeps doing it but since I have not through with it and let him in he does not take me serious. I really wanted him to build a bond with my daughter but it’s more than clear he does not want to. It hurts he says he does not have time for my daughter but sees his gf every single day. He says he doesn’t have money but he takes his gf out to eat everyday and buys groceries for her and her baby (who is only a few months older than my child.) My heart hurts for my child and the problems I know will cause her once she gets older and realizes the situation. I grew up with an amazing father and grew up with great examples of what a father is suppose to be… and this is not it.,,
Would I be wrong if I just completely block him? Would I backfire on me? Call the cops (this time for real) when he randomly shows up? 
I don’t want her to grow up and think I pushed her father away as in I am the reason he doesn’t see her. I also don’t want her to grow up with an inconsistent father who does not care about her. What hurts more: an absent father or an inconsistent father? We were half a decade together. Half a decade. And he treats my daughter this way? All because I refused to tolerate the disrespect, excuses, and cheating? Does he not feel remorse for my baby when he sees that baby? How can someone be so heartless and not love their own child?
I need advice…

Answer

File for child support and custody. Put him on a schedule. If he doesn’t see her on his assigned time that’s on him. Make sure he knows the dates and times for everything with her. If he doesn’t show up, that’s on him.

Answer

Yes it would be wrong. My mom let ME decide when I was old enough if I wanted to see or talk to my birth father. Until then she let him see me as he pleased. You do not want her to find out you kept him away. That would be worse. Unfortunately some men and women just don't have what it takes to be present and responsible and give love. All you can do is be the best mother and be there for your baby. I know it's not fair but it's just life. You can still put him on CS.

Answer

There is no comparing the two. Both are painful. 
You can’t call the cops on someone is who trying to see their child. I don’t think blocking is the answer. And you’d be the reason he has no access. 
Talk to him and figure out a plan.

Answer

Neither hurts if you have a bad*** mother and support system. Your child will base her emotions however YOU present them to her. You can be the "Oh no! My poor baby is not wanted by her father" or you can say "We have too much self respect for ourselves to tolerate that disrespectful wishy-washy bullcrap from him. We are way too good for this trash". My father was inconsistent until he literally kidnapped me and my sister and took us to another country for a whole month. Guess how much trauma I have? None, guess how many times I've seen myself as a victim? NEVER. My mom is the baddest B alive. She was such an amazing incredible mom that I never felt a need for a dad. I did have INCREDIBLE male figures though, my grandfather and uncles, they made us such strong, grateful and stable women. Life is all about perspective, your child will feel whatever plant you choose to water, and if it's the bad plant, just know that she'll need years to unlearn YOUR ideas.

Answer

There is no comparing the 2. Unfortunately, it isn’t something you can really shield her from. My father was/is very inconsistent. I remember how every-time he did pop up my mother let me see him. So when he says my mother kept me away I know that’s not true. I have a friend who’s father was completely absent. All she remembers is the one time her dad came to see her bearing gifts and her mother denied him “to protect her” from his inconsistency. He stayed away after that. Now she questions if her mother was the reason. She thinks maybe he would’ve stayed around had her mom let him. I said that to say we can’t hide it from them. We have to let them see for themselves even as children. It’s unfortunate and unfair but it their lives 😭 She’ll see once she’s older. As far as popping up though is a no go. He would definitely have to make arrangements. I would also file for the support. Once he gets behind and they threaten to lock him up he’ll pay.

Answer

I feel inconsistent would be worse; not knowing where you stand, whether dad loves you or not, whether dad’s going to make the effort this week etc. I feel with an absent father, you can heal around that. This is just my opinion and others might disagree. 
Maybe allow her to make a decision each time HE wants to see her. That way she will always feel in control and not forced to ‘fix it’

Answer

As I had both, an inconsistent one hurts more. He cannot keep showing up when he feels like it. And it's a poor excuse saying he doesn't have time, hes just not making time for her. He's a piece of shit.

Answer

Both hurt just as equally just in different ways

What hurts more? An inconsistent father or an absent father?

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