I’m a 22 year old completing my masters degree living with my parents. I used to have a job at my undergrad campus, but since I graduated from there I can no longer work as a student and finding jobs in my area is a challenge since I come from a small town with little opportunities. I’m grateful that my parents are continuing to support and provide for me as I finish school without a job, however, I’m starting to feel like I’m losing my sense of adulthood because my parents really encourage putting school first and since I’m under their roof being provided by them, I do feel like respecting them and their feedback is the appropriate thing I should do. My mom in particular discourages me to explore my independence and individuality, which makes me feel like I cannot be myself. My mom often wants me to do things her way and if I don’t then she blames me for making her out to seem as the “bad guy.” It’s been really emotionally draining the past couple years after becoming more aware of how I feel after interactions with my mom, and I’m trying to have a lot of grace towards her and myself. I am currently studying to become a therapist and I’m constantly reading research about relationships and family and how our early childhood experiences impact the way we communicate with one another and how we can project past wounds onto one another, which is reassuring to learn about but it’s also painful to be aware of how it’s presently showing up in my life. I’m trying to see the silver lining as this being an experience that I can develop through without creating more emotional turmoil than what is already present and using my knowledge to communicate my needs or feelings in a healthy productive way, but I’m not seeing any progress with my mom since whenever I try to become vulnerable about how I want to explore my independence she shuts me down, criticizes me, or doesn’t really attune to what I’m feeling and instead she turns it over to how I’m making her feel bad.

I just need some words of encouragement and validation for my need of “being my own individual and I am allowed to have my own opinions or way of functioning separate from my identity as a daughter” 🤍