Going in for medical management for my MMC tomorrow. Struggling for a lot of different reasons— the loss itself is devastating. I’ve had 4 now and they just get harder it seems. Secondly my son knew about this one and he’s only 5.. he’s being so sweet and just wishes he could go visit baby in heaven. Thirdly this was a surprise pregnancy, and I finally got excited about it and now I desperately want another baby.. but I’m sure my partner will be against it as he wasn’t ready for another right now and that is almost as devastating as losing this one right now.

I just want my rainbow sooner than later and I’m scared to talk to him about it and lock in what I already know to be true.

My body is also teasing me by cramping and spotting but not actually passing anything which feels equally as cruel. I still feel pregnant— but I know it’ll end soon. I almost asked to be put on progesterone right when I found out but I thought it’d been so long since my last loss (three years and a different father) and my hcg was rising properly in the beginning so i thought we were safe. now I’m dealing with the guilt of feeling like I could’ve saved this one. Just so much in my head right now

HCG stopped rising and baby stopped growing sometime during week 5. Im exhausted