Approaching loss anniversary

Trigger warning… mention of spouse loss.

This month, on November 28th (yes unfortunately on Thanksgiving this year)

Makes 3 years ago that my previous husband passed away. I am happily married again now. But this year seems like it’s hitting me hard. I love my husband very very much and am so thankful for him but the loss of my previous partner is hitting extra hard this year and I’m not sure why… It was very traumatic and a very very hard time in my life, it’s something I don’t want to ever experience again. I never want to hear the words I’m sorry but he’s passed again. I just remember dropping to my knees and screaming why god. I’m not sure if it’s normal to be feeling this way or not. I feel like year 3, is harder than last year and it’s also making me feel bad because of my current husband which I haven’t let him know how I’m feeling but it definitely has me feeling bad..