Not the results I was looking for

I got my results from my nipt testing today and I am so thankful the genetic part looks good but I also died inside a bit that it’s another girl.

This will be our third girl and I’ve ALWAYS wanted a boy. Since I was 6yo I dreamed of having sons. I know that’s weird but I’ve always wanted to be a mom and my whole family and all my friends were boys. We were pregnant early this year and I found out it was a boy May 17th only to miscarry May 18th. It shattered my heart and I had a really hard time not being mad at my husband because the night we found out he was a boy he told me “I hope you throw up.” And I know he was just playing but after miscarrying it was just HARD.

This is our last baby. I’m 32 and I am incredibly sick with each pregnancy. Even if I thought I could physically handle another pregnancy he has been adamant this is it and on TOP of that he told me he no longer wants to foster.

I know I’ll get over it and I know I will love her as much as I love my other daughters but I feel like my heart has been ripped out, at the moment, and have been crying on and off all day.