Is there any point to responding to my stepdad?

I had this conversation with my stepdad over the last few days. I have an abusive mom, enabler dad, and my parents keep denying that I tried to communicate with them, but I have tried so many times over many years. This one stings a bit more since it's around the holidays. I hadn't talked to my for about a year until last week when I foolishly responded to her Christmas invitation, because it was just so wild to me that she's actually inviting me to a holiday after a year of avoiding and ignoring my crystal clear efforts to repair our relationship the years that preceded. I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than advice or support. It sucks so much. I started anti-depressants today because I can't deal with this anymore along with the other stresses that come with having a newborn, etc.

Him: (my name), I saw your message regarding the holidays, but I am a little confused. You said you made efforts to repair things in the past, but they weren't met. I'm confused what you are referring to. If there is something we can do, or not do, please let me know.

Me: Okay, I will send it again.

(context: re-sending a message from 2 months ago when he confronted me about not talking to my mom & told me he won't speak to me unless I reunite with my mom.. 3 days before my due date for my second baby): Mom knows every reason why I can't have a relationship with her, it's all in our texts and emails. I can't help if she denies it all. I have tried for years. I will send you screenshots of my attempts, which don't include in person attempts.

I have gotten over what's happened in the past, including mom chasing me around the house until she caught me and pulled my hair back to scream in my face, leaving bruises on my arm from where she grabbed me to hold me against the closet door, while you watched her do it. It was a 'funny joke' for you guys to talk about when I climbed out of my window, but what preceded that was her running and chasing me up the stairs again and me trying to protect myself, and I actually made the right call because you unlocked the door for her so she could get to me. Not once did she sit down with me after any of those instances to apologize or make a repair. I appreciated that you actually did sit with me on my bed after her episodes. It seemed like you did try to protect me. But when you did, there was even more backlash. There was a night when she found out you were trying to protect me, you guys got into a fight, and you packed a bag and left. It was just for 1 night, but after you left, Mom turned around and screamed at me that I single handedly tore our family apart. I have poems I wrote about wanting to commit suicide from elementary school. When I did actually confide in someone about it in high school, they told mom and instead of trying to figure out what's going wrong, she got mad at me for saying anything. Things were not right, despite having good times mixed in. The only way I can understand that you didn't see what's wrong with this is that you weren't aware of what was going on.

If someone is in a relationship with a person who only sometimes screamed at me, trash talked me, and made life events miserable, people would tell me to leave them. I don't think it makes a difference if that person is related to me or not. No one has the right to put me through this. Mom has said terrible things to me about my own family, including (my sister), you (for Reddit: she told me she's waiting him out, like for him to die, so she can finally live happily), and (my husband). That was one of the last straws for me. It's not a healthy family dynamic and I'm trying my best to make a change for my own family now. I have a responsibility to (my kids and husband).

Him (a week later): (my name), I hear what you’re saying. Some things I can tell you are inaccurate though. It wasn't the school that said you wanted to kill yourself. (My ex-boyfriend's) mother called Mom and said she was afraid you may hurt yourself if (ex-bf) didn't get back together with you. Your mother did talk to about that telling you no boy was worth harming yourself (context: talking = screaming at me bc she was embarrassed). As far as suicide. I did the same when I was that age. I thought about, listened to music when thinking about it, wondered how to do it and whether anyone would miss me after I was gone. It's part of growing up. Puberty, hormones, rebelling against parents. There were instances with my relationship with my parents got physical but I didn't let it define my entire relationship. Every relationship has speed bumps, it's part of the human species. What I am saying, or asking, is, what do we do to get past this. Your mother is willing to do anything you want. The family is not whole without you guys. All of you are missed. Whatever or however you want to go forward, maybe just an occasional visit. Or call. Please.

Me: I'm sorry that you experienced physical abuse as well. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially not a child.

For me, this isn’t just about the past but about the ongoing verbal abuse I've already described. I’ve tried many times to address it, but it’s not in my power to change how mom talks to me. Every attempt at resolution has been followed by explanations or justifications for her behavior, often blaming me in some way.

I have to prioritize my own self esteem to be the best parent I can for my kids. I’m not going to keep explaining or giving examples, because mom doesn’t see these things as valid. It only leads to arguments and further hurt.

Looking forward, I’m working hard to reach a place where I can feel unfazed by mom's outbursts. Some people can tolerate this better than others, and I hope to get there in time. If that happens, I’ll let you both know.

I'm sorry this situation has put you in the middle. I know that can’t be easy. You are the best and most important positive influence in my life, and I'm beyond grateful that you are my dad who raised me. I know it doesn't seem like I turned out very good due to this situation with mom, but I believe I'm a really good parent and I'm taking all of the good things you taught me and teaching Leo and Ivan. I know you haven't had an easy time, and I'm proud of you for putting so much good into the world. Finishing your degree, coaching soccer, even trying to fix this situation that you didn't cause. Everything you've done is seen and valued by many many people. In case I don't get the chance to tell you.

I will reach out to mom if/when I'm ready, I promise. I mentioned before but you are always welcome here as well. I understand if/why you can't.

Him: The problem is have is I am not sure what you mean when you say "Mom's ongoing verbal abuse" and "Mom's outbursts"

And to clarify, I didn't suffer from physical abuse, I had a physical altercation with each of my parents

~ the end

Is there any point of replying? I feel like I'm just texting into the void.