Feeling mixed emotions

Barb
Today was supposed to be my baby shower for my lil boy but we decided not to do one because financially it was making more sense to not spend on a baby shower n use money to buy the baby stuff that's needed ourselves but now that today's here
I feel a lil dissappointed like I kinda feel like maybe we should of done it anyway just to celebrate our lil one, does that make me crazy lol
Maybe my emotions are just bugged because of hormones lol
My hubby still doesn't wanna let me go crazy shopping for more baby stuff n I'm fearing not being prepared before the baby comes so I told him once that first week of feb comes I'm going to buy the baby stuff regardless if he wants me to or not, I wonder if he's planning a baby shower or if he knows that someone is planning one for us this month hmmm