No sex because I don’t “avail myself” (long post, sorry)

My husband and I have been married 10 years. Right before we got married, he sent me so many resources about what sex means to men and I read them all. I learnt that women should initiate sex sometimes and I did it. I took initiative to also spice it up, never said no. Even when I wasn’t in the mood we did foreplay until I got into the mood. Never went to bed without checking in with him if he needed it or not.

Then we got kids 5 years in. Life got more exhausting and I found myself sleeping off before checking in. Our sex life was now limited to when the kids were sleeping. Soon I discovered he enjoyed sleeping in the chair. He was tired and would sleep off in the chair everyday. I found myself sitting around waiting for him to wake up because I would wake him to come to bed and he would say he is coming but I ended up sleeping alone every day. Some days he finally made it to bed at 4am. Days I would wait around as he slept in the chair, he would finally get up and we have sex then I go to bed but that was draining me so I started going to bed. Then I noticed we just stopped having sex. I wasn’t in the mood either way so it didn’t bother me but I just thought maybe he is deprived so I asked him why we had gone so long without sex. He told me I didn’t avail myself. It hurt me a bit because all the time we had sex, I had been the one to initiate it, I did it for his sake because I thought he needed it but still no initiative came from him. Now he was blaming me for our sexless life. Anyway. One day I decided to spice it up and he came to bed at 4, so I initiated foreplay which led up to Sex. I put in effort, spiced it up, was on top. He enjoyed it. And we slept after cuddled up. The next day I brought the topic up again to check how he liked it. I had hoped for a positive reaction and a turn in our sex life. And my man asked me “did we have sex?” He had forgotten. I immediately started crying. (He wasn’t drunk, how could it mean nothing to him that he forgot). He saw my sadness, Then he started telling me maybe he has a health problem, he is scared that he doesn’t remember a thing. I swear he was active and participated in the fore play to turn me on too and now I felt like a rapist. If he was sleeping, how did I miss it? We switched up styles where he was upright and he didn’t seem asleep. Anyway. From then if he initiated and we found ourselves intimate in the middle of the night after he had slept, I always asked him if he is awake. He hated that. That I was now reminding him of him forgetting. But I needed to get the consent. The reassurance that he knows what he is doing and not sleep-sexing. I just couldn’t get myself to initiate sex again after he sleeps because damn, am not a rapist. And yet he just couldn’t get himself to have sex before he sleeps in the chair. He expects me to initiate yet when I do, he will make a remark like he ain’t into it or forgot. It hurts me. Somehow it feels like he is playing mind games with me. Like he wants it but wants me to feel like am the one who is begging for it and needs it. I don’t know if it makes him feel better. I can go for a year with sex and my libido has been down for 5 years now since I have had 3 pregnancies back to back with breastfeeding non-stop. Am honestly worried because I know he wants it. But he doesn’t initiate. We haven’t had it in almost 5 months and am pregnant. We recently talked and he said he fears rejection. I have never rejected him. Not once. I know he feels uncomfortable to show how much he wants sex so he won’t initiate if am sick or tired but now he is taking it too far. I asked him when I have rejected him. Then he told me rejection is felt all over the place. It is true, I no longer initiate. I no longer sit around the sitting room waiting for him to rest enough to then wake up for us to have sex. I go to bed between 1&2am. Am tired too. I no longer strip naked for him because he confuses that and thinks am ready for sex and will try to penetrate before am turned on. He failed to understand that I can wear a lingerie even when am not turned on because I care for him but I need time to actually get turned on. I recently told him when he comes to bed at 3am, he wakes me and I fail to sleep again for hours, leaving me so exhausted. And he asked if he shouldn’t come to bed at all. I have complained about him sleeping in the chair for years now! (Not every day but I bring it up like 3 times a year). I told him no, it would be better if he goes to bed when he feels sleepy instead of sleeping in the chair until 3-4am. Sometimes he is on his phone. Ps. I did try to join him in the chair but it is not sustainable because it’s small and my bump is growing. I did try to ask if there other reasons making him sleep in the chair and he just said it is fatigue. Am clean, am fit, and I am pretty and I just don’t understand what his problem is. I feel lonely as we get zero cuddles and I sleep alone. He comes to bed just before the kids wake up to find him in the chair. He did tell me he has never seen his dad and mom share a room and they are still married. I wonder if that is the problem. With zero affection my libido is just sinking even more. Also I don’t feel like he wants me because he never initiates. And I got tired of initiating because it makes me feel more not wanted and like am forcing it and myself on him. Ps. His libido is higher than mine because I see him get a horn when the kids are awake and we just can’t do it because they are everywhere. But when they sleep, he doesn’t give me time of the day.and now with his recent remark that he feels rejection in the air, before he even initiates, I feel guilty that we ain’t doing it. He wants me to initiate but I can’t because am tired of this pattern. It’s sooo hard to not be in the mood and still be the one begging for sex because later you know u will be blamed for the sexless marriage. I always felt like it is part of being a good wife to never reject (say no or stop him) to initiate and make it different every time and be adventurous but I feel like my efforts were never appreciated. He has also said if we have sex 3 days in a row that the hype goes as then there is nothing new. He also lost his sister in child birth and I know when am pregnant, he just is less willing to even try sex but he is a doctor and knows that it is safe. I wonder if I caused this by over availing myself at the beginning of our marriage and now he wants me to always be the one to initiate. Me initiating alone is making me resent sex even the more yet I was always a cheerful giver. He talks like he wants more. Am confused. I don’t know what to do.