Having a hard time..

*tw: past loss*

I wanted to see if this is in the realm of normal..

I’m due sep 12th, just had my first ultrasound & blood tests say it’s a boy.

This will be my third living child, but like my 10th pregnancy. So. Many. Losses. Two years ago I had a loss bad enough I almost died on the table. My last living child was almost ten years ago.

This little guy was a complete surprise, he’s healthy looking. I’ve been so sick- and just caught some god awful virus this last week so I’m sick all over again. I’m in the thick of it. Had to take a leave from work because I can’t even keep down water some days.

I’m not excited, it doesn’t feel real. & I have wondered if this is even a good idea with my other two children being 9 & 17.

Anyone felt like this & it change later? pregnancy is so hard on me. I can’t tell if this is really how I feel or I’m just hormonal & miserable right now.

Thanks for any and all input.