Wondering If My Husband's A Narcissist

So much so, I've questioned if I'm one. He has been irresponsible with $ for the longest time and that has been the main conflict that he doesn't consistently address. Whenever I'm upset about him having us behind on bills, he says I'm trying to start an argument. Whenever there's an issue that I want to resolve he says I'm trying to start an argument. We can be riding around somewhere and I can be chill as can be and he complains about the driver's, losing his temper. It's often embarrassing and alarming. I've been an open book to him but he doesn't like addressing issues. He made the comment in the past that he likes to b***** just to hear himself b****. And he's also said before he likes to sweep things under the rug. I just feel like he has me so manipulated where I don't know what to do, where to go, who to turn to. He says my reactions are a joke.. instead of taking accountability. I'm so dependent on him, I'm stuck at home with our kids. He's tried keeping money from me in the past and he brought it up how he plans to do it again.. in response to me advising him to give me his debit cards. He's failed sticking to a budget. He will gamble $ or spend $ on tobacco, alcohol, food for himself after we have groceries. $800 a month! Yet, he's ticking off the landlord and trying to use the kids' tax refund $ to cover what he owes and use it to himself. He wont let me pay someone to teach me to drive. He will belittle me so much so where I won't drive. I honestly believe this man has been trapping me for years. I really need a logical, sensible plan. I just gave birth, had 2 surgeries since giving birth and recovering. I have no family. I really need a "Gone Girl" type of plan. Anytime I've gotten a job, he's manipulated me to quit for whatever selfish reasons. He's incredibly selfish and at this point, I just gotta tell myself, things will never get better. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. I have to beg for attention. I could go on and on. I live in VA. Like how much $ should I save up? I just don't have a clue. I feel like my plate has long been over full. He's put me through hell and at this point, I just feel like there's gotta be other men out there that would love to give me their time and attention and wouldn't be an ounce of thought to be nice to me. I need to escape this man.. and take my kids with me...