I think me and my fiance need a break

Sorry this is so long

It’s not that i don’t love him. I do love him and he loves me but as I’m maturing I’m realizing that a relationship requires more than just love. We’ve been together since middle school and we’re about to be 27. since we started getting serious about preparing for marriage (he tells me we’re still not ready) it’s starting to feel like the only reason we’re getting married is because we’ve been together so long. We have the memories and experiences and got to grow up together which is special. But I also feel like we’re not “happy,” we’re just “content.”

It seems we’re so used to each other and afraid of not having each other in our lives that we’re willing to compromise anything even if it’s something we really don’t like, just so that we can stay together. For example he told me that when we get married he wants to take a road trip and travel the country but I passionately DESPISE traveling so I told him I wouldn’t be up for that and he just accepted it. Then I realized how unfair it is for him to have to throw away this dream trip he wants to take just because of me (I’m sorry I’m not willing to negotiate: I really REALLY hate to travel). He’s also never lived alone before and will go straight from living at home to living with me, and he says he wishes he could’ve had freedom, but just accepts that he never will. He wants me to move in with him and his dad when we’re first married so we can save money. I said yes but after some thinking, I don’t think I’d enjoy living at home with his father, as opposed to just the two of us. I imagine that being very awkward especially considering it’s a small house and his dad is always home. Obviously you have to compromise when you’re married but is compromising the same thing as throwing away experiences you truly want, but can’t have because of your spouse?

We’re so willing to forgive one another even if it’s over a huge conflict that most people would break up over but we just apologize and push it under the rug. Recently I was extremely frustrated and blew up at him and he forgave me instantly and said, “One day I’ll get upset” because he is very calm and never gets mad at me (is him never getting mad a red flag or is it possible that some people are just like that?)

I like to talk to others about our relationship to gain different perspectives because like i said, I’ve never been with anyone else. He doesn’t like when I do that because to him it seems like I’m involving everyone in our business. He didn’t even like my dad asking him the ole “What are your intentions with my daughter” because he thought it was nosy

And finally, he sounds like a broken record when he says we need to better our communication. I’m not blaming him for it, it’s both of our faults. But how are we a decade into a relationship and having the same issues we had in high school? It makes me feel like are we even trying? Is this even fixable anymore? How long are we going to say “we need to fix this”? Or is this just who we are as people, and our options are tolerate the lack of communication, or just don’t be together?

We obviously have our moments of being lovey and joyful don’t get me wrong we get along and in fact, we probably have more good moments than bad, it’s just the bad is starting to feel like it’s overtaking the good. I feel like whenever I doubt our relationship I force myself to think of the good times to convince myself that everything is fine — but I also feel like i shouldn’t be doubting our relationship at all if we’re supposed to be getting married

I’m definitely not saying I want to be a single Pringle and go on dates or anything (if i were single I would stay single as long as possible), but i wonder if it would benefit us to experience adult life outside of a relationship and find out who we are and what we want in life, rather just doing whatever because it’s what each other wants

I’m afraid to say this to him because I don’t want him to get upset, but I also feel like we should discuss it in case he feels the same. But I honestly feel insanely guilty when he starts talking about marriage and the future. He tells me frequently how much he loves me and how I saved him and how he can’t imagine life without me, and while I feel the same way, I also think the negative side of our inability to imagine life without one another is that we LITERALLY CANNOT imagine life without one another and thus, as I stated before, are just living a life that doesn’t necessarily make us happy, but just keeps us together.