Husband’s grandma only wants family to take care of her

I’m just wondering what other people would do in this situation. My husband’s grandma is 90 years old. She grew up in Russia and had a really hard life. She helped raise my husband and their family is very close and loving. Like beyond selfless.

She takes the city bus everywhere and lives alone. A few months ago she fell on the bus and broke some ribs. She went to the hospital a few days later and they found fluid in her lungs due to the accident. She refused treatment and dealt with it and continued living life as normal but 2 weeks ago the fluid got bad and she ended up in the hospital on a ventilator. By some miracle she got off the ventilator and is now in a rehab almost back to normal. The only thing is she hates and doesn’t trust doctors. She doesn’t take her medication either. My FIL visits her every day because he’s the only person she’ll allow to help her. He asks if she took her pills and she says oh I took half of them.

Where she grew up there were concentration camps and this traumatized her to the point that she genuinely believes she’s been abducted and the doctors are trying to kill her. She tried pulling the chest tube out, every night tried to pull her IV and whatever else out, so they had to sedate her every night. One morning she had boxing gloves on bc they needed a way to prevent her from ripping the stuff out. She punched a nurse in the head, won’t let them feed her, etc.

It’s a little better at this rehab and hopefully she can go home soon. But my MIL is convinced she can’t live on her own- what if she lights the stove and then falls and can’t get up? Can’t use the bathroom? Etc. She is eligible for a full time home care nurse, but we know she will refuse anyone in her house.

My FIL is her only child so it all falls on him. My MIL has lived with similar iterations of this for their whole life. They used to all live together- my husband and his grandma shared a ‘room’ which was actually the living room, but my MIL kicked her out a few decades ago.

My FIL is eligible for 12 weeks family leave paid at 2/3 of his salary. Financially he can do it but he wants to retire in a few years and my MIL doesn’t want him to delay that for this event. But she says his mom will die if he doesn’t help her. She says we all need to be firm with the grandma and tell her she’s going to have a home nurse and that’s that.. but who knows if it’ll work.

They had to cancel their vacation because they’re afraid to leave grandma alone. She could live 2 more weeks or 10 more years, so it’s hard to say how long this will all last.

What would you do in my FIL’s situation? I love this woman and would let her live with us and have her nurse here, but we live an hour away and she doesn’t want to change doctors. We have an extra bedroom and bathroom so I wish it could work.