It's not fair

I can't shake this. I can't get over it. It's not even fair that some people get to keep their babies and some of us have to lose them, sometimes repeatedly. I am terrified to even try again...I don't think I can bare going through this again. Part of me wants to get out of this house but the other part of me just isn't really ready to face the world....ugh I hate this and I wish it would get easier...soon.