Am I being unfair to my bf?

Question

Long story short we have a 5 month old and been having lots of issues on their bonding, our LO doesn’t want to be with dad. I try to encourage a bond between them and offer suggestions to my bf but u can tell once he’s home from work he just wants her with her pacifier in her mouth- quiet. She gets bored but he’s too tired so usually 95% of the time I have to get her to play with her etc.. this has been an ongoing argument because I have no time to “relax” since he knows once LO starts he won’t try anything and instead of hearing her cry I just take over at this point.
Now my bf schedule is Monday-Friday 8am-5:30pm sometimes 6pm if work isn’t done. I’ve been going to the gym when I put our LO to sleep she’s usually out for the night at 9:30pm so I’ll go to the gym OR at 5am before she wakes up for the day. Now my bf is saying he wants to start like me (gym) and if he can start going after work.. even tho the baby doesn’t like to be with him I’ll still give LO to dad and TRY to eat/ shower etc.. LO goes to bed at 8pm so he really only has about 2 - 2 1/2 hrs with her. I’m annoyed that now he wants to start going after work when he’s already hardly with her. I explained this is why I go when it doesn’t interfere with our “schedule” we agreed on. Or when he needs my help yet he’s over here asking to now go when it’s his time to be with LO. I suggested what about his days off? He said it’s easier when he’s off of work because they have indoor gym there.
Am I wrong? I’m trying to meet a middle ground but do not think it’s right that it would be during the agreement we had

Answer

Ok girl I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but kuddos to you!! You're amazing for prioritizing your health this way. 5:00 am gym workouts with a months old baby?? You are a superstar. 
I think G had amazing insight. It does make sense for him to go to the gym if it's already at his work BUUUUT!! It can't be at the expense of adding more to your plate. I agree that he has to compromise to more intentional time with her. He's not just to be a robot with her while you scurry to eat your food. 
He can also have am workouts if you get nights at the gym. You shouldn't be the only one compromising

Answer

It’s pretty normal for babies to have a default parent. That doesn’t mean they won’t have a bond with the other parent, your just the primary caregiver when she’s awake (and you grew her) so she’s going to be more comfortable and comforted by you. If you’re wanting a break, maybe set up a time that is just his. In my house my husband does bath time for our kids. He’s almost exclusively the bath giver for the past 8 years. I can do it of course, but that’s his job. He also handles every diaper he’s home for. I understand why your husband would want to hit the gym while he’s at work already. It makes sense he’s already there. Maybe the compromise is he only goes 3 times a week, and he starts doing something with her, bath time, bed time, dinner, something that is his responsibility only that gives you a break.

Answer

Work as a team, all 3 of you are Learning and it’s normal for a baby to have a default parent. You both can go to the gym by scheduling you in the morning and him after work. It’s a compromise that both can get the same thing using the time window you have available. It’s not easy but it can be done

Answer

It makes sense if hes already at work and the gym is at work to just do it there vs making a separate trip (unless his work is super close by), I think a compromise of a couple days a week for 1 hour after work is reasonable or if he wants to go longer or more often then he should go in the morning then just shower there and dress for work. He can still bond w the baby for bath/bedtime. If the issue is you feel like you dont get enough 'me time' then maybe go do something for yourself on his days off and leave him home with the baby.

Answer

He should go to the gym in the morning. You should go at night….it’s normal for baby to only want mom. The only way they can bond properly is to let him figure it out. If you are always stepping in to save him he won’t learn….

Answer

Your partner should be able to care for your child when he is home. The two of you need to share the load and be able to have self care time. Trade off gym nights, night duty, etc. 
Everyone is tired. He still needs to care for his child. Talk about it and find a compromise.

Am I being unfair to my bf?

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