No hate should I end it?

I love my boyfriend to bits, I cheated last year I had no intentions of doing it but he kept forcing himself on me so I eventually gave in. I can't deal with the guilt I feel bad I had loads of drugs and my drink got spiked. I never do drugs I was so drunk people were forcing them on me when I was just about paryletic.  I'm starting to like attention off other men, he doesn't fulfill my needs (sexually) he is good but I only get it once in a blue moon on his terms. He calls all the shots in the relationship. I can't deal with all these mixed feelings. He does a lot for me but when it comes to actually doing something nice he hasn't got time. It's either uni work, Xbox of friends and I live with him and his parents so I'm sitting in his room all day every day doing nothing waiting for him to want to talk to me (he moans about pointless stuff most of the time) I'm just alone and don't know what to do.i think he's with me for company, I don't talk to his parents as they make my life really awkward they have loads of money and look down on me but they live filthyly. It's not easy to leave as I have no where to go. I can't cope anymore what do I do? Anyone been in this position? I've never had guidance off my parents all my life they have split up and have partners who I absolutely hate. My mothers partner is manipulative and argues constantly over nothing. And my fathers partner constantly smokes and drinks and stinks the house out with it and I can never get a word in because it's all about her. What can I do please someone help me before I develop a mental illness! It's like being in a prison!! I don't need guilt tripping about anything