My dearest Tyler,

I love you with all my heart. I love you more than the number of galaxies floating around in Space, more than all the stars in the universe. We've been together for a long time and we've been ttc for just as long. We've lost jobs, apartments, cars, family members, friends, and beloved pets over the years. But the loss that hurts the most is losing our baby. We tried for so long and I lost it. I was supposed to protect him/her and keep them safe but I couldn't. All I had to do was be a safe incubator for 9 months and I couldn't. After wishing and hoping for so many years, we finally had those 2 pink lines we so desperately wanted. I could finally see you playing with our baby and our parents being doting grandparents. Then as quickly as that dream was coming true, it vanished into thin air. The joy we had was unmercifully ripped away from us. I cry almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day because of that loss. Because you deserve so much better and so much more than I can give you. It breaks my heart into a zillion pieces to see the sadness and the want in your eyes when we're out and see a family with their kids or a pregnant woman. A baby is something you'll never have, at least not with me; that's a void in your heart I can't fill. You say that you're ok and that you're not with me solely for procreation and I believe you, but I feel on some level you resent and hate me because I can't give you at least one child. You'll never admit to it, but I can feel it. I've thought about this for a long time and it's one of the hardest decisions, if not the hardest decision I've ever made. It's not a decision I wanted to make either, but we've exhausted all other options and I don't see any other way. We've seen countless doctors, tried numerous medications & supplements, tried old wives tales & gross home remedies, drained our savings, took out loans, and applied for adoption only to get nowhere. So now that I've made my heartbreaking decision, it's time for you to make an equally heartbreaking decision. I'm giving you the option of having an open relationship or us parting ways. Either way you have the ability to find someone who can give you a child and you'll have the opportunity to be a parent. I'm ok with whatever you decide and I won't hold it against you. I'll never hold it against you because this situation is nobody's fault but mine. This is my fault, I only have myself to blame. Tonight we'll make dinner and spend the evening as we normally do. Tomorrow morning we'll leave our home with a hug and a kiss just like every other morning. The only exception is my engagement ring and this letter will be in an envelope taped to the kitchen China Cabinet. I'll be at my sister's awaiting your decision; she said I can stay as long as needed. Please think about this; make the decision that's best for you. Make the decision based on what you want. I'm sorry that I have terrible timing with Valentine's Day being around the corner. I love you and always will. -Rayna