Scared to test!

I'm 12 dpo and I could test today if I wanted to but after over 2 years of trying I'm just scared of seeing a negative test. I'm half temped to wait till I'm officially late or just test today and see. This app says I'll start tomorrow but another app I have says I'll start Thursday so there's a big gap there. Don't know what to do. I just can't bare the thought of another negative test! Even my husband was like it would be a cool Valentine's Day present if you gave me a positive test w I think it would be too! 🙏🏻