Insomnia and paranoia

I'm 4+2 and just can't stop worrying about a miscarriage. It's my first pregnancy, and I worried a tiny bit about being able to conceive at age 35, but generally felt pretty cool and in control about it. But now that it's happened I'm a nervous wreck and can hardly sleep at night. I did not think I would react like this, but here I am. And the miscarriage risk is still so high, so it makes sense not to tell anyone but my bf, but that just makes me feel so alone with my fears. And it's like, if it actually does go wrong, I feel like people will think 'well what did you expect when waiting till your mid thirties?' So I'm almost feeling stupid for daring to want this and for 'getting myself into this if I can't handle the risk'. I hear all this judgment in my head, that I thought I was above, but it is really getting to me.

And what about getting so little sleep at night? - That can't be good for the baby! But I can't start calling in sick for work this early on, just to catch up on sleep. That's going to be a long and career-damaging pregnancy, if I start that now.

Best experience so far has been visiting my mother, who doesn't know, yesterday (and isn't a very supportive or nurturing kind of mom, I should say - we're not close and she has never been able to comfort me for anything, and the judging voice in my head may be partly hers) - but we were just talking, and because it's still a secret, for a few hours I was just me, and I got to almost forget about the pregnancy and relax a little. That was so nice! Hopefully work can have the same effect on me, if I'm not too tired to do it. Can't I just fast forward to week 13?