Silent husband

My husband and I have been together almost 4 years and our biggest issue is that he's completely silent when we have an argument. I'm always careful to not show how mad I am and to really ask him about his feelings or what he thinks and he never says anything! Sometimes he says "I don't know what you want me to say" but most of the time he's completely silent like he's ignoring me. This weekend I found out he has a porn addiction he's been hiding from me and I'm completely devastated. Every night while I'm putting our toddler to sleep he watches porn in the other room. All he has said is that he's sorry and when I try to talk about it he's silent. I can't rebuild our relationship by myself and he won't go to counseling with me. I really need advice. I know he loves me but it's like he just shuts down when we have any kind of serious conversation or anything about emotions. 
And no I don't need opinions about pornography and how great it is in your relationship. That's not helpful. Thank you!
773 views • 3 upvotes • 4 comments

COMMENT (4)

el

Posted at
Is he a naturally quiet person? Some people are just not used to expressing themselves..

El

Elizabeth • Mar 7, 2016
I am the same as your husband. when it comes to serious convos I getvreal quiet. sometimes I don't know what to say other times I have a lot to say but I am afraid to say anything because I don't want to make the other person mad or hurt them...it is really hard. Try to be understanding with your husband.

Sq

Posted at
Have you ever looked up introverted personality vs. Extroverted personality? I am mildly extroverted, my husband is an introvert. He used to be the exact same way. In fact he would basically curl up in a ball with his back to me and shut down completely. I didn't even have to be harsh for him to respond that way... I asked him how he needed me to speak to him and what he needs. It helped us a lot. Just ask him (when you're not upset about something) and see if he has an idea how it will go better. Good luck!

Ka

Posted at
SAA groups can be beneficial. Sex and porn addiction is a very personal and shameful thing. If he truly wants help and change, these support groups can be beneficial in helping him move past his shame and get to a point where he is more open and communicative. Good luck.