Still in love .

I was with my ex for 2 years but we were friends 2 years prior. Best friends at that! One of our main problems were distance & competition. We competed against each other but was always on the same team . We cheated on each other and now it's over but it's been over since July but we've talked everyday since the major break up ! Some days I wanna love him even more than ever ! Then some days I hate him ! I just don't know anymore . I don't want to move on its kinda hard when you compare everyone to him & I just feel so stuck, lonely & hurt