Ugh. Fe so depressed. Can u help?

Question

So my husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. He's dry immature and goofy. Makes jokes out of everything. I do love him. I didn't marry him expecting him to change I honestly just assumed we would both grow together as the time went on. We just had a baby in August and he's s good dad but he doesn't help as much as other dads and he really isn't always there for me emotionally and physically. He is still his priority. He does things on his time. When he first comes home from work he does his own thing for an hour or 2 before he is ready to greet me and the baby and then even then he is always texting his friends. He works a lot and doesn't have many friends down here his friends are about an hour away and they have the group chat were they're always texting each other. I feel neglected and everything but every time I bro it up it gets no where. He also has issues with outbursts and he says mean things. I don't know if there is something mentally going on if it's a result from being raised by the sub human parents he has ) thy are so awful and they never disciplined him. They still baby him and enable him to this day. I am
Always the one In control not by choice but if I left it up to him we would be no where and our daughter probably wouldn't eat. He's lazy and selfish. I went to see my therapist today and she really seemed unhappy with him. she remained objective the whole time but I coild tell inside her head she was thinking this chick is so stupid. When I thought about divorce I honestly felt relieved. I just don't know if I love him anymore. When he has outbursts some of the examples of the things he says is asshole, faggot and he will say go
Kill urself. I am not making any excuses
For him but I as well as everyone I know always knew e was a little different and his parents raised him by yelling at each other they still do and In front of me and the baby.
My husband doesn't feel this is abnormal either. Nothing I ask seems to work bc he doesn't get it. I'm so confused. I just don't know what's going on. I feel stuck. I feel alone ... And I feel so depressed.

Answer

Am so sorry dear, your not alone. My friend is in the same situTion, I was too a few years ago. Been married for 5years now. I don't know the best advice to give u but I will tell u what worked and still works for me. I told myself I am responsible for my happiness, 2ndly I figured I had time that was why his issues got to me more. So I decided to create things that makes me happy and  do it outside him. Then I got a job to keep busy. I realized now I hardly have time to think about all his issues. Slowly he realized it and started coming to me, he told me he felt choked and me doing things on my own gave him space and that made him happy. It is not perfect for me yet but I am far from where I was and I will say I am happy. Keep busy and try to tell him things u don't like when he is happy. Good luck Hun

Answer

marriage counseling?

Answer

It's a huge change having your first child. I felt exactly like you with my first. I finally got used to his routine, and learned how to communicate my needs with him. It took a long time, but we finally found a routine that works for both of us. I used to get offended by him needing an hour or 2 when he got home, but now I understand. I would probly want that too if I worked all the time. 
I asked my husband for a family night. Once a week, no tv or computer. Play with the kids, and then when they go to bed, we spend time on the couch together. It helps a lot. 
And I learned that if I want him to help with the kids, I actually have to ask. He isn't going to get up and do it on his own. 
Calling you names and telling you to kill yourself is way way over the top. If he doesn't learn to control his tongue, I would threaten to leave. Then I would leave for a bit and see if he tried to change before I would come back. (I actually did this, and he worked really hard and is a better man.)
So sorry. You are not alone.

Answer

Ugh I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I wish there was a magic fix. It's good you're going to therapy though, that's definitely a positive.  Maybe think about what you need to be happy.. like lay it out for him. If he doesn't try (he won't change overnight, but maybe if he makes an effort) then maybe you might want to think about if you'll be happier on your own. It's a big decision though, and a scary one. 😔

Answer

I've been through a VERY similar situation with my first baby. When I had my first baby her father was extremely young minded, didn't help and also didn't put us 1st. It's was painful for me because I so desperately wanted my little girl and I to be his priority.

He was still very childish and I really wanted to stick around and wait for him to grow up but I eventually ran out of patience. I didn't have time to raise him and the baby. His family and friends drove me crazy because it almost seemed like they encouraged his dumb behavior.

I ended up leaving him. It was to much for me to stress over all the things wrong and it was beginning to drive me absolutely crazy. He now  lives back at home and has 5 or 6 kids that he doesn't provide for any of them.  
I'm actually pregnant with my second child and married to the man of my dreams.

Answer

I'm sorry girl, he seems to be absorbed in his an world. I agree I think you should figure out everything that needs to be worked on so that your marriage can work and see if he'll listen and change. If not I don't see why you should be unhappy. Divorce is a tough choice. It effects both you and your daughter. I wish I could help, I wish you best of luck and hope things work out for you and hour daughter.

Ugh. Fe so depressed. Can u help?

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