In August 2015 I lost my hope,I lost my dream and I lost my baby. I used to get on here everyday put in whatever symptoms I was having. I would check all the boxes I was supposed to. But after my miscarriage I felt like I was alone and no one has ever experienced the massive hole that was in my heart. But that wasn't true about 10 days later my big sister had a miscarriage. It was amazing to me how alone I felt, how the pressure of everything just fell on my shoulders and I slipped into a very deep depression. the holidays, I started a new job, home life. I just felt like everything was resting on me. I was in a deep hole that I couldn't get myself out of. About a month ago my big sister took me on a car ride and she said I know what you're feeling. I know what you're going through, I know that you feel the whole world is resting on your shoulders and you don't know how to fix the world or fix yourself. I just sat there and emotional ball and cried my eyes out. me and my big sister have never really been that close but in that moment I knew that her and God where my only saving grace. One of the many things my precious husband did for me. While we both were healing through this. was one day he was watching an old episode of Oprah. He said did you know that Oprah had a miscarriage? I said no. I did not know that.He said well her therapist told her to name the baby that she lost. So for the next four hours me and my husband through tears, laughter and pain we named our baby. we did not know the sex of the baby. I was not that far along. So the first name is a girls name. Middle name is the boys name. our baby's name is avelyn Ein. When I was feeling the depression I sought out counseling. I even considered medication. Now I don't feel as the world is about to distract in front of me. I have cleaned to God and he has shown me the way through. I was told by a doctor that 20% of women have miscarriages. That number dumbfounded me. As I was going through this and still am going through this and healing and growing it's amazing to me the women that don't speak out and say I've been through this to. You only find that in private conversations with women that you know. No I'm not saying that I'm gonna run down the street saying yes I've had a miscarriage. If you have one I just think there should be more of an openness and more of a conversation so more women, husbands, family can heal and not feel so alone. So I guess I'm trying to say I hope people take from my story that you are not alone and even though people don't broadcast that this has happened to them or they've known someone that has gone through this. It is a common fact of life you are not alone and if you're going through this or you know someone's going through this please share your stories. Please keep the conversation open and if anyone would like to send me messages and talk to me. I will try to help you and see you through, be your friend and confidant as best I can. I just feel that this shouldn't be such a close off conversation. That we as women should be able to be open and to feel what we feel. Without feeling like we have to hide it and put on a smile. Because going through a miscarriage the one thing that is hardest to do is smile... thank you for letting me have a voice. have a blessed day.