I have wrote many times that I give up on having children of my own but my SO seem to be just getting started. He just don't know I'm just having sex to get me one but that baby thing is over for me. He has all the hope when I don't have any.

I'm sick of getting my hopes up just to be depressed when I get my damn period. Yes I feel like its never going to happen cause it hasn't happen in all these years its not going to happen now. I want to have hope but how can you have so much hope when its always the same thing each and every month for the last 10+yrs.

I feel like I done something wrong in my life that I'm getting punished for. I love being aunt but there is one thing I have never been is a mother and that's all I want to be is a mother. I feel like its to much for me to ask for. Am I asking for to much???

I don't think I am. Smh I feel I would be a great mother I'm a great aunt I know I will give my own child the world. I said I wanted my twin to have my child for me but after she miscarry her own child I didn't want to put her thought that again. I looked into be a foster mother but that isn't going to happen after all I'm done but my SO isn't I mean he checking my ovation keeping up with the dates that I'm ovationing everything. I don't know what to do cause I feel its me not him