SMBC - Single Mom By Choice

This group is ONLY for women who are choosing to be single, not for women with bio dads who leave.

Creator: Michelle

Members: 362

Single Mom by Choice 💙 (my story if you are considering)

I’ve recently made the decision to be a single mom by choice & I strongly feel this is the best for me right now. Since 2018, I broke up with a fiancé, best friend won’t speak to me, lost my mom to ALS, and my dad just started dialysis and doesn’t have much longer. I’ve been trying for 4 years to work through and overcome the anxiety and depression that seems to never end. It feels like all I have been doing is waiting for things to get worse. I’ve been trying to date for the last year, and I can’t even get a date with anyone at this point. I wish I was kidding!!! I’m 29, no kids, have my shit together, financially stable, own a house, have a steady job, & 2 Masters degrees that I’ve worked my ass off for. I’m also extremely lucky and blessed for sure, but like ?!?!?!??!!. Not even to meet up or date. Many of the guys are all “don’t like you like that, but we can be fuck buddies” ???? Sorry for the rant I just can’t lmao. So I thought fuck it, I’m gonna be a mom and do it on my own. I am worried people will think I’m crazy but actually have gotten really positive and supportive feedback. I mean honestly, I’m in a good spot and I don’t have many years until it will get harder to try. Since I have made this decision, I’ve finally felt hope & joy that I havnt felt in years. I love kids & I grew up babysitting for weeks at a time. I work with kids now and absolutely love it. I’m so excited to start this journey and become a mom. I hope my dad can meet my baby too. I just stopped my birth control this weekend. Started tracking my cycle today & taking prenatal vitamins (prob need those vitamins anyways honestly lol). Doing more research into donor options over the next few weeks before I see my primary and OBGYN. I’m so excited. If anyone else is considering this option, I hope this is helpful for you in some way! Hoping to connect with other SMBC friends too, so say hi so we can start a group chat!!

Last reply Oct 15, 2022

I'm on the SMBC journey also and I think I'm pregnant. Took me about three years to get here. You're fine just how you are. Don't let dating define you. Tune out the negatives, you have one life to live, and it sounds like you have a lot to contribute to a child especially one that is desired and waited for. Gather your village and your courage and take the leap.

Hello!

Hi ladies, I don’t see a lot of posts in here, but I’m hoping to support and get support. I am about to turn 33, with pcos. I have wanted kids for sooooooo long. A couple years ago I decided I would start the process in august 2020 if I still hadn’t met someone right for me. I met with a fertility doctor to get an idea of what the process would be...And well I haven’t met anyone yet! As we all know women can’t wait as long as men and I know my babies are waiting to come into this world. I finally narrowed down a sperm donor, but still have concerns with the amount of siblings my child will have. How do you all deal with that? I’m also curious to know anyone’s thoughts on telling your children why you chose this route... or dating with children...

Last reply Jul 26, 2020

Hi! I’d stopped checking this group because as you noticed, it’s not very active. 😂 But I’d love to connect with other single moms by choice! My story is similar to yours; always knew I wanted to be a mom but the traditional route wasn’t working out. To answer your questions, as far as siblings, I initially had thought I would want at least 2 kids. And if I had a partner, maybe still would. But now that I have my son, I honestly can’t imagine how I would handle being pregnant and having to care for a toddler, or later having 2 kids on my own. There’s still a small chance I could decide I could do it (and I have a frozen embryo left from my last IVF cycle). But even if I try and it doesn’t work out, I feel my family is complete. And as for my son, sure, he might someday wish he had siblings, or he might enjoy the benefits of being an only child. I also often say that he feels like his friends from daycare are his brothers and sisters. And for talking about choosing this way of having a family, he’s only 2 but it’s already something I talk about. I followed a similar model to what I’ve seen people do with adoption: it’s just always a fact. With family and friends I speak openly about it. If a stranger asks about “dad” I usually say “oh it’s just the two of us.” If they pursue it beyond that (like saying “oh I’m sorry or asking what happened) I’ll say it was my choice. I’ve even come out and told random people that I used a sperm donor. It’s not like it’s something to be embarrassed about. I’ve gotten a few weird looks, but most people just think it’s fantastic. With kids I’m a little more discreet because getting into exactly where babies come from isn’t my place. But for example, when he started at daycare at 4 months old, a 4 year old girl asked me why he didn’t have a daddy. I said “well, I just wanted a baby so much I did it by myself.”And that’s the message I want my son to grow up knowing: he was so wanted that nothing was going to stop me from having him. 😊About dating, it hasn’t come up for me yet, but I’m not terribly worried. If you’re concerned about the reaction to you having a child, the older you get the more common it is for people to have kids. And you don’t have the baggage of an ex. And someone who considers having kids a dealbreaker wouldn’t be compatible with me anyway. If you mean having time to date with a young child, yeah that can be an issue. For me I just don’t care. I am so unbelievably happy to be a mom, I’m good. But I think if it’s a priority to you to date, yes, you can absolutely make it work. Single parents do it all the time. Good luck with your journey! Feel free to message me if you want to chat.