Need advice on a touchy SO issue....

This is TMI but I cannot tell my sisters or close friends and I need advice. My SO and I are into soft BDSM and he likes to be denied orgasm and get me off which I like too sometimes. I asked if we could switch roles which we do sometimes and he was flaccid and got upset but I didn't mind at all. The next day he wanted to try again but I was tired and said no. The same day I asked him nicely to not be handsy every time I get dressed because I like my space (he asked me not to watch him change sometimes and I listened) he took it as me being cold and blew it way out of proportion later. I said he's selfish for wanting sex his way 98% of the time and I never ask for this. Not letting me not want sex with out making it into a big deal. I said things and he said things and I just want things to be right again. He has performance issues that I understand and work around but he's being to touchy about 2 minor incidents. What should I do? I love him and everything else is perfect.