What do you do?

What do you do when you have been trying for almost 4 years to have a baby. Some days I am fine but other ones I want to lay in bed all day and cry. I don't know how to be okay sometimes. My husband doesn't get it and quite frankly I think my friends are so caught up in their own lives they don't know how bad it is. I sometimes wish I was dead because I am sick of being miserable. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I might never have the one thing I want more than anything. I am breaking down more day by day...I can't afford anything but to conceive the natural way and with my husband fertility problems I am not sure that will ever be the case. My doctor said I was fine but I question everything anymore. I question my life and what it will be without a baby....