How I Got My Boobs Back...

**Warning. This post is about breastfeeding. There are photos of me breastfeeding. I worked deliriously hard to breastfeed, and I'm going to talk about it. If this makes you uncomfortable, it might not be the post for you. This is in no way meant as an attack on mothers who did not nurse their babies. Rather, these words come from my heart and soul, and I hope it gives you hope and encouragement.  So, I got my boobs back. They weren't exactly returned to me in the original condition, but that's okay. This milestone is exciting. It's sad. It's bittersweet. It's joyous. After 18 months of nursing my son and providing him comfort and nourishment, that piece of our relationship has come to an end. You probably read my nostalgic little piece published on Mamalode, but if you haven't, please head there and check it out. Our nursing journey was also posted here. To break it down, we had a really rough start. I know nursing is difficult for a lot of women, but it was so much more than that for us. I was blessed with a good supply, maybe, but it was not without hard work. I see a lot of new mothers who give up on nursing for lack of support or misunderstanding about supply, and I want to advocate here that there aren't always a chosen few who it works for, and a few who it doesn't. We are made to feel that nursing is this beautiful, incredible experience, but sometimes it just isn't. It is HARD. HARD. Did I mention hard? When everything goes perfectly it's still hard. This isn't to say you shouldn't celebrate two days, two weeks, or two years spent nursing! Every drop is an achievement! I just mean that Ben and I really fought, and I was really determined, and it was HARD. So, letting it go of our nursing bond at 18 months was really strange and difficult for me. We have a lot of video footage of Ben nursing when he was little. If it were appropriate to share here (you know, without floppy boobs, nipples, and milk flying everywhere), I would. It would scare the living daylights out of any new mama hoping to breastfeed. Every time, 8 to 9 times a day, he would scream and fight, fuss and fidget, latch and unlatch...over and over and over. Watching the videos raises my blood pressure even now! Besides the screaming, there was reflux, an ongoing right side latch issue, pumping 4 to 6x a day following a feeding, refusals, tubes, a day of formula, depression, months spent at home because nursing in public was impossible, multiple miles spent driving to and from the lactation consultant, emails of despair, and did I mention screaming?