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Continuous cycle

Bre • Sun, Jun 12

Back in 2012 I was advised by my OBGYN to get a termination after massive blood clots were found in my uterus. I was only 13 weeks along.

Here I am 4 years later still aimlessly hoping that next month I get pregnant and each month it's the same answer ! Surprise! Your period !! And it's heavy as a Mac truck.

I'm by no means actively trying to get pregnant. I'm not taking vitamins (besides a daily multivitamin because I have a poor diet), I smoke cigarettes, and I ocassionally drink.

I often feel sad. Because I've just been waiting and waiting for me to just magically get pregnant. But I feel like those 4 years ago I wasted my only chance to enter the world of motherhood. And I look back and think I was selfish. I could have went through with the pregnancy, but there was no telling if I would live or the baby.

My boyfriend (what a supportive, handsome man he is.) consistently reassures me that it will happen when I'm ready. But I often find myself trapped in the same circle each month. Excited to see if I'm pregnant. Then wishing I hadn't been so selfish back when I had my chance.

I guess I'm just trying to talk about it to try and help myself out of this continuous cycle..

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